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And now for some World Cup analysis.

Um.

Er.

I think....

Well....

The truth is I watched half an hour of the whole thing.

That half an hour did happen to be the final game between Netherlands and Spain (victorious Spaniards shown above). As usual, the action went something like:

A few people kick the ball and EVERYONE RUNS THRILLINGLY DOWN THE FIELD.

Then the goalie comes out and stops the ball, kicks it, and EVERYONE RUNS THRILLINGLY IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

Repeat for one hour while the game remains scoreless.

I thought I was watching the Lakers give acting performances half the time.

ARE YOU BLIND?

WHAT A TERRIBLE CALL! I think I read that something like eleven "yellow cards" were given and those are for unsportsmanlike conduct or not following the rules or things like that. They're not given if you have bad breath. You have to inadvertently kick your feet in the air and pound someone full-force in the chest. Then you would get one.

The game was decided on an after-match free kick. That doesn't seem right. The commentary was frequently dulled by the horrible penetrating sound of the vuvuzelas.

Instead of hearing crowd noise, you heard this tremendous reverberating, well, what would you call it, a dial tone?--you have reached 1800ATRILLIONMOSQUITOES --that threatened to drown out the deadpan unexcited announcers.

"Yes, you can see the enthusiasm."

"Oh yes."

"Zimfkdjetk inbounds the ball and almost gets a goal on that one."

"You can see the enthusiasm."

Yeesh, you'd think you were at a golf match, although at least the golf announcers get somewhat worked up.

Why don't Americans care about the World Cup? It doesn't make sense. We love sports. We are totally into it. Our kids play it from an early age. People are always saying that soccer interest is going up and up. Is it? I'm not aware of it.

THEORIES ABOUT WHY AMERICANS DON'T CARE ABOUT SOCCER

1) We're not that good at it.

2) We didn't start it.

3) We can't keep track of all those countries and are too lazy to look up spelling of vuvuzela.

4) We have too many sports as it is. It's too much to follow.

5) The history isn't there. The rivalries aren't there. So it seems boring.

6) I can't think of another one.

I am off on further travels, dear reader, but I will keep you posted on the Great Yogurt Dilemma. Meanwhile, we should all rejoice that some things are the same the world over.

A bientot

love,

becky

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