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This is definitely one big one. I grew up in the Land of Opportunity (now called the Natural State) with mass quantities of this substance. No layperson knows the exact chemical makeup of Cool Whip. Those ingredients written in the tiny print on the side? HAH! A total laugh. Each batch is different. It's mostly sugar and Elmer's Glue, though, I know that much, with some wax and other nutrients thrown in. Cool Whip went on your Jello, it went on your pudding and ice cream, certainly on any pie and/or other dessert item, and that was just as a topping.


It was and is an integral ingredient in many recipes, such as my sister-in-law's Four Layer Delight, which can make you stuff yourself until you are sick. Cool Whip is meant to make you sick. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is meant to tell you that life is good and comforting and sugary and smooth, but not without a cost, which in most cases is acute abdominal discomfort and sometimes a headache. It is worth it.

Cool Whip is kept in the freezer like ice cream, though I don't think any harm would ever come from it melting. No Cool Whip container was ever thrown out in my house. They joined each other in paper sacks under the kitchen sink and then between the washer and dryer and then squeezed into the broom closet and on top of the counters and then a few tentative rows out into the dining room before my mother stopped cooking. For a few years the CW containers shared space with the coffee cans, but then the coffee cans retreated under the utility room sink and kept a sullen silence. The Cool Whip bowl parts nested nicely, and oh my, so did the lids. You could probably get a hundred bowl parts in one sack and twice that many lids in another sack. For some reason my parents cut their sacks down so that each one was rather short. You could really see the nested bowls at their maximum efficient best that way, ready to serve at a minute's notice. I always used to joke that someday my parents would move under the sink and when you knocked on the door, a Cool Whip container would answer. That never happened. Those containers knew who was boss and my mother displayed a fine sense of noblesse oblige.

They are great of course for leftovers and don't a lot of people wish they had some right now! My parents put every tiny remaining morsel into a Cool Whip container and my father attached a piece of masking tape to each one and wrote on it in calligraphy:

CHOCOLATE CAKE
BACON
TUNA CASSEROLE (yuck)
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When you opened the fridge, a vista of CW containers spread before you, stacked and lined up in an orgy of logic and frugality.

I miss it.

Here in Massachusetts, they buy heavy cream and whip it with a mixer. What fun is that?

Gosh, I didn't even get to the Velveeta. I'll save that for next time. I have to get back rocking on Rosetta Stone.
A bientot, dear reader.
love,
becky

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