obama us and tattoos

Having checked in a few moments ago on my goals for LAST year, I feel a bit humbled.



As in I have the same goals. Pretty much. Sort of.



So ditto, fate. Take that, providence. You big lugs. These are my goals and I'm sticking to them.





1) Try to get to High School Weight. HAHAHAHA--is anybody buying this? My body has decided that we are enemies. I hate being enemies. It refuses to give up any of itself and I in turn refuse to give it what it wants: Doritos 24/7, hopefully with some kind of accompanying mayo-based substance, not hot sauce. Every morning I get on the scale and hold my breath. Actually I don't hold my breath because that could add to the total. Sometimes I let my toes hang off the scale too (toes weigh something). And every morning it's the same thing. I have weighed just about the same thing this whole year, varying by about a pound and a half.



You know what? I think that's okay. So let's move on.







2) Continue strange and eccentric exercise habits. Can you imagine wearing this outfit? I don't think there is a single adjective that can be worn across the ass that wouldn't elicit smirks or outright guffaws. Let's try some:



Profound

Ill advised

Mystical

Hungry

Friendly

Unfriendly



We could go through the dictionary from front to back and have hours of mirth on this. Nouns would be perplexing, I fear.



utensil

decoration

analysis



I wouldn't actually mind wearing analysis. My girlfriend says she wouldn't mind wearing cabernet savignon (she says she has room for it). I have room for mushy zucchini. What a great way to honor my favorite food!!!\



I think I'm getting off track. Maybe a wet suit is the way to go. I bet I'd be really warm outside, but of course my new technique is indoor running around the upstairs of my house, interspersed with jumping jacks. It's working too because recently at my brother's house I was able to power walk up and down his hills without gasping and collapsing.





3) Write my nun book. Make it funny and suspenseful, with each plot line expertly woven into the next. I think I can do it. Confidence is everything for me.

7) And finally, GET RID OF THIS CHRISTMAS CRAP. Yes, dear reader, it's that endless winter season where even after you have scoured the house for every holiday candle and doobiewickie, every Feliz Navidad towel hanging on the fridge door, and every tiny needle embedding itself in the carpet, YOU CAN'T GET RID OF IT.
I'm going to try my best, though, starting today. Sputter. Cough.

8) And finally, FINALLY, I want--as I said last year--to be happy and have a twinkle in my eye. I want to rip sadness out of my heart. I choose this for myself.

Incidentally, Mystery Gift Giver--who are you? I'd say thank you but the anonymity bothers me.


A bientot
love,
becky