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One word, dear reader.....MUZAK!!!!!! Or whatever you want to call the obnoxious piped-in music that permeates the retail atmosphere. They don't play the great choral compositions, of course, like the Messiah or Ode to Joy or anything like that. It's all secular, which is boring to start with and sickening to listen to. Every singer, from country to hip hop, has made some kind of "holiday" album and the more upscale the store you are in, the more jazzy and finger-snappingly sickening it is.

I don't want to hear anyone from the Rat Pack singing while I shop. Okay? If I hear another syncopated weird interpretation of "the weather outside is frightening," I will begin snorting and rolling my eyes and saying things under my breath. I suppose I'll be acting like Mr. Ed, and I never thought I would come to that, but so be it. I do admit to a tiny enjoyment of that sexy whiny "Santa Baby" tune, but that's it, okay? Otherwise, I am resolutely grinchy in this respect.

Here is another reason for suckiness. Before you can have beautiful wrapped gifts to put under the tree (WHAT TREE? HAH!!! I DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT YET!!!), you have to have a room somewhere in your house that is dedicated to consumer sprawl, the big Money Hemorrhage. This is my guest room/computer room. It gradually gets taken over by plastic bags. In the end, dear reader, it you don't keep a careful list, you lose control of these bags, forget everything you bought, and buy some things over again. If you are related to me, please don't look too closely at these items. See the three puny rolls of gift wrap? My mother always taught me to buy it the day after Christmas when it is half off and I did for many years. I marched out there and purchased rolls and rolls of it. Then I started feeling superstitious. What if I get hit by a bus before next holiday season? What if I'm dead and can't wrap?

So now I'm alive and paying four bucks for a small roll.

C'est la noel.

A bientot

love,

Her Royal Curmudgeonliness

IWYWRTM