We normally have this festive event before Halloween, boys and girls, but this year, due to heavensent delirious godfearing World Series baseball, we are having it after.
Okay, here goes. Now don't send me hate mail if your fave doesn't get mentioned. Not everybody gets picked, okay?
Let's start with the obvious. In the beginning there was...................
the Hershey Bar. It's still pretty tasty. A steady diet of this will ruin your teeth like no other.
Of course you have your M&M lovers and they are a naive lot since most of them still believe that the red ones taste different from the yellow ones. I didn't say stupid, okay? I didn't.
Now in the category of M&Ms, there are some flavorful subgroups. One of these is the peanut M&M. I like them okay, but they're hard for me to chew and I feel like Bugs Bunny when I try to do it. Plus you get nuts all in your teeth afterwards and who needs that?
A VERY fine new addition to the M&M family, and one that does not get its just due (I'm not going to say "just deserts" because I'M ABOVE THAT) is the peanut butter M&M. Mmmmm, better than Reese's in this humble root canal victim's heart.
Breaking news: raspberry M&Ms. Three words: Oh. My. God.
Moving on.
Milky Way is a boring candy bar. It has nothing special to recommend it, plus it falls into what I call the "airy" category. It's full of air. It's not dense like Hershey or Dove. Know what I'm saying? Another airy bar is....
Three Musketeers is completely airy and a few have been seen levitating off the ground in certain grocery aisles.
Twix and Kit Kat are the same candy bar. When they get sick of putting the Twix wrapper on at the factory, they switch over to Kit Kat. There's no logic to it and probably has to do with what Muzak tunes are coming in over the loudspeaker. You don't want to be there on the day someone sneaks in a Metallica heavy metal selection. The workers go crazy. It's like when those Japanese kids went berserk watching some of those anime cartoons and had seizures or something. That's the kind of thing Twix and Kit Kat can cause.
Sometimes they end up with something really stupid like ....
and
Clark and Butterfingers are also the same. It gets hard keeping these straight and it's a little like Clark Kent turning into Superman. WAIT. ARE WE DOING CLARK TODAY? WHICH ONE ARE WE DOING? DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?
Nestle's Crunch has always been a stand-up bar. You get what you pay for. It's a little airy and you can really sense and intuit the Rice Krispies inside, but it's satisfying in the end, especially when you have to lick it off your fingers and hands.
True story: I was once in Cancun, Mexico, lounging on the beach with some friends. Somebody had handed me a Crunch bar and I had opened it and forgotten it. It was resting comfortably on my leg and melting into oblivion when someone saw it and screamed. Delicacy forbids further comment.
I am not into Baby Ruth. They are always stale and the peanuts are loose. They're not embedded firmly into the rest of the candy and I call that disappointing.
Has anyone ever heard of Abba Zabba? It sounds like one of those Iraqi prison camps. One of my friends just told me about it and I'm only including it because I never heard of it. It looks evil. I think they give it to you right before the firing squad aims their rifles at you. You can have a cigarette or an Abba Zabba.
Heath Bars are excellent but are one of the few candy bars that are better in ice cream than they are in real life.
Moving toward the best ones now:
Reese's was the winner last year and in second place this year only because I am so very fond of the peanut butter M&Ms. Reese's Pieces are ever so slightly plasticky in taste.
But number one this year and I'm letting my students determine this.
That's right, four out of five of Motew's composition students picked Snickers for their top bar. So let's have a round of applause while I call my dentist for a cleaning.
Be here now.
A bientot
love,
becky
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