obama us and tattoos

No, I don't mean to fax through pages from WAR AND PEACE and pass them off as your own. I'm talking about that sound that the fax machine makes as it labors to send a page, when it's really working and suffering from some unaccountable lag or delay.

DIT. DIT. DIT. Or when it gets a tiny bit faster, DITDITDIT. DIT. DIT..When it's barely barely going through.

Get me?

That sense you have as you stand there that everything hangs in the balance, if the page can just make it a few more dits in, it will get there and you will be so lucky.

That's sort of the way my writing is going right now. One word at a time, one labored paragraph at a time. I'm hoping like heck that something is coming through.

Flash to another subject: Had dinner with lovely and talented agent Kristin Nelson tonight in Boston, along with other clients of hers Hank Philippi Ryan and Jennifer O'Connell. We laughed our asses off. Wish I could tell you the subjects, but I simply cahn't.

Tomorrow I go to the romance convention. Doesn't that sound like a lot of people posed on couches making out? I wish.

A bientot
love,
becky

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Those words are from one of my heroes, Jo March in LITTLE WOMEN. But someone should tell this girl that she wasn't really SERIOUS. Is this gross? How do people look at themselves in the mirror when they look like this? This makes me want to eat a sandwich. I won't, though. Only three pounds to go for High School Weight. Trust me, I was never this thin.










Kinda makes you happy to see this gal, doesn't it? She's swingin' it. Go, baby!!! I don't look like her either and never did. I said goodbye to Somewhat Big Thighs (that sounds like a personals ad and I bet it would get some replies) and good riddance.









This girl is probably really thin too. Sometimes you have to take a good look at an arm sticking out or a leg. Then you see it. Yikes. A toothpick

I think it's so cute how men always think we weigh less than we do. I read a book a few years ago that had a five foot nine main character. The male author said that she wasn't fat and wasn't thin at 115 pounds. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. That is SKELETAL. I see this everywhere, but of course we never say anything. I contributed to it in COUPON GIRL when I had Jeanie get all upset at weighing 140. Of course I didn't say how tall she was so that's my excuse.

My high school weight was 145. I am five feet six and a half and weigh 148. I look pretty slender, most people say. I'd never make the Dallas cheerleader squad, but I'm a little long in the tooth for that anyway. Can you imagine being at the auditions for that? A great time to drop acid. (I stole that line from WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY-- I LOVE it--still waiting for my friend's book--come on, Amazon).

I purchased a few schmattes today so I can look presentable with my agent Thursday night. I will be elegant and probably fall flat on my face in the subway. Personally, I think New Hampshire ought to change their present license plate slogan (Live Free or Die) to Jo March's words.


A bientot
love,
becky

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March is a big birthday month for family and friends in these parts. Maeve got to stay up partially for her Uncle Jeff's celebration and someone had better warn Mariah Carey of her new competitor in Massachusetts. I can hit some pretty high notes--

my fax machine imitation is awesome--EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

but Maeve's high notes go into the stratosphere. Dogs from miles away turn to each other and say, "I wonder what that person is trying to tell us." I LOVE MY ECCENTRIC GRANDMOTHER!!! That's what she is saying. And also SHE WEARS GLASSES WHICH I FIND FASCINATING!

Is everyone born in March? It sometimes seems so. Most of them are Pisces, those fishy water people. All the Pisces women I know are very confident. They exude a certain knowingness (knowingness?). Ah yes, they nod their heads at some question and look deep into your eyes, empty eyes in my case. I ain't so confident. The closer I get, the further away I've been proven to be.

Pshaw!!!! Fie upon negative thoughts!!! Spring is here!!! [Little Voice whispers YA THINK SO? WHAT DO YA CALL THAT WHITE CRAP OUT THERE?)

I saw Borat last night. I have to say I laughed pretty hard in some parts, especially that evangelical experience in the church. Yikes. Also when the driving instructor told him to keep both hands on the wheel.

I am waiting for a book from Amazon written by a friend of mine. But until then, I'm reading WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY? about a young mother and it's good. It's especially funny when she talks about her one-year-old and the odd things they do.
One of my kids used to have a plastic pacifier (totally unsafe, I'm sure) that broke into two pieces very easily, which he would happily separate several dozen times a day and then throw both pieces in different directions. "SHA-SA!" he would yell plaintively. "SHA-SA!" This was his incomprehensible word for pacifier. And of course Mommy would crawl around on the floor looking for them. It was especially fun in the dark on my hands and knees under the crib.

I think one day I threw both pieces into the toilet.

The kid is okay now and studying Computer Science. We celebrated his birthday last night and he doesn't use a pacifier.






A bientot

love,
becky

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This is the view from my window as I write.

In one month it will look quite the same, perhaps without the snow cover (I promise to report).

But here in New England people rejoice, probably because they are looking at the calendar and not out their window. The calendar tells us we are headed for glory. The calendar tells us not to fear. The calendar prevails, dear reader, always. We follow it. We believe it.

Turning the corner for spring is always an effort. It doesn't seem possible. We are lured to buy those last winter markdowns because what do we ever wear besides winter clothes? The spring clothes have been displayed for two months. We have laughed at them. I certainly have.

We do not confidently buy warm weather clothes until it is warm, and when is that? May? I don't THINK so. June? Okay, yes. In June we will fearfully buy a short sleeve top, but sometimes can't wear it.

Fashion choices seem sparse. I have walked through the mall and gagged. Everything is stone ugly.

I know it is truly spring when I cannot wear boots.

That may be the true rule.

I admit it is too warm now to wear scratchy woolly turtlenecks, as I did last Saturday night. So that is progress.





But don't you want to smack this girl?




How dare she go out in the cold like that? And what's with the huge handbag? Not that I mind a huge handbag, I must have one.

I like a vast space to put things in, I admit it. But even so. Death to her.

Winter clothes are still perfectly fine.

I'm having dinner with my agent next week. What will I wear?

A bientot
love,
becky

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I GOT OFF WORK LATE.

MY CAR BROKE DOWN.

MY PRINTER WASN'T WORKING.

I WAS REALLY DRUNK.

I HAD TO WORK SECOND SHIFT.

BELIEVE ME, PROFESSOR MOTEW, I MEANT TO CORRECT ALL THE ERRORS.

IF ONLY YOU COULD LIVE MY LIFE,YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND, PROFESSOR MOTEW.


I do understand.

I have lived your life. I have done what you do.

Seriously.

You still have to make sentences come out of the mist. You are capable of it. You must spell correctly and make tenses agree.

Your eventual life will take shape from the essay you write for me. You will prove your worth with my essay.

I really mean it.

Check back in ten years. I was the best thing that got in your way.

See you in class.

A bientot
love, Professor Motew
aka becky

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This is the term my daughter-in-law uses to describe little Maeve when she is swaddled up. Maeve likes that swaddled feeling--well, who doesn't?

Maeve is a smiling little doll these days and it cracks me up to see my own reaction and everybody else's. We become raving juvenile simpletons in the face of this kind of cuteness. They should make unpleasant announcements with this photograph accompanying, and see if that doesn't cheer people up.

TAXES ARE GOING UP!! Yes, but what does it really matter?

YOU'RE BEING EVICTED!!! I guess there are worse things.

YOU'RE BEING CHARGED A LATE FEE THAT YOU DON'T DESERVE! Oh, let's roll with it.

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? YOU'RE BEING CHARGED WITH A CRIME!! Whatever.

I think tomorrow is the first day of spring and I'D BETTER SEE SOME SIGNS OF IT OR THERE'S GOING TO BE TROUBLE!!! Nobody wants to see a grown woman on her roof screaming, do they? (around here you can't be too sure) I suppose we should try to remain calm after the warm January and December we had. But I don't care!! I'm selfish!! And vexed!!!

A VEXING SITUATION
VEXING ALL THE WAY
THE VEXING HEX
A VEXING SPRING

I know it seems a bit egocentric to post all these photos of myself, but I happen to be the most available subject to TAKE a picture of. Besides, I need a selection for when Cosmo comes begging, don't I? Would they rather see my shower curtain or me? Don't answer that.

















A bientot

love,
becky

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So I get two days off this week. Big woop. Okay, okay, I take it back. Two days off is good.

THINGS TO BE HAPPY ABOUT

1) two days off

2) driveway semi-cleared from what was NOT a halfass snowstorm

3) tiny bit of progress on old lady story

4) taxes begun, though indecipherable

5) Christmas still 9 months away

6) no papers until Friday


Not an impressive list, but hey. Sometimes even Mary Poppins can't get a good list going, know what I'm sayin'?

Why won't people do what I want them to do? Why won't they live their lives according to my needs and desires? It's vexing.

Titles:

BITING MY TONGUE
BITING YOUR TONGUE
TONGUE BITING
NO TONGUE BITING UNLESS I SAY SO

A bientot
I think this is what you call a halfass blog entry.







love,
becky

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This scene is entirely false, of course, because I am sitting here in bleak New England, where the only palms are my own, the ones on my hands which need gloves.

I am enjoying the third of my five days off. It's so great to scuff around the house wearing rags and gross clothes.

RAGS AND GROSS CLOTHES
by Becky Motew
Think my agent would go for that?

Anyway, I'm going out tomorrow night for a halfass St. Patrick's Day celebration--only kidding, of course. It will be full blown major fun, or it should be.

BARFING FOR ST. PATRICK
by Becky Motew
BARFING FOR ALL SAINTS
BARFING FOR CHRIST
Uh no, I don't think so.

I said goodbye to some of my college kids yesterday since they are headed on real spring break vacations. They were looking at me but their thoughts were on someone called the "captain." There are always lots of little snickers and private jokes and nudging elbows when the "captain" is brought up. I of course have no idea what they are talking about.








I only come from the long-ago time of free love and hippies and flower children and bongs. I wouldn't know anything. In truth, I was not a hippie. I admired them, though. I thought they were way cool. And I did have a McCarthy daisy on the trunk of my Ford Falcon, which I drove from Champaign, Illinois, to Little Rock all the way without a muffler. You sort of learn how to coast into town, roll through, and turn the corner to get out, all without accelerating.

The track beckons but we're supposed to get a storm. The kind that starts with an "s."

Let's hope it will be halfass.





A bientot

love,
becky

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Finally, the snow has melted at the track and Becky is back on it!!! I think for the late fall and winter my entire weight loss has only been around 3-3.5 pounds. Still, I am happy for it and enjoy wearing my "thin" clothes.

Also enjoying my intermittent spring break, three days off this week and two next. In the summer I call it Living the Dream. I suppose now it's Living the Halfway Dream. Or just Halfass Living, what about that for a title? It could be followed by Halfass Summer Love Affair or Halfass Tales From the Grocery or well, gosh, the mind boggles at the possibilities.

See? This is how great series are born.

Other titles for other books down the road:

DRINKING CREAM
DARK SIDE OF THE SEESAW
IT'S A GREAT LIFE IF YOU DON'T WEAKEN
LIVING ON CRUMBS
A TAP ON THE SHOULDER
SPINNING BACK AROUND

Titles are fun. If only the book itself didn't have to be written, haha. On my very first circuit around the track I came up with a good idea for the old lady book. It has to do with American Idol, a show I have never seen, but may have to for research purposes.

I kind of like this Halfass thing, though, I gotta tell you.

A bientot

Love not from Florida,
becky

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Check out Melanie Hauser's cool new book shown here. It's a sequel to the acclaimed CONFESSIONS OF SUPER MOM and it looks like a winner.


It's six months after the Horrible Swiffer Accident that left her a superhero, and Birdie Lee is still adjusting. For starters, she's hearing voices and having lustful thoughts about Mr. Clean. Then there's the fact that her daughter is suddenly sporting a bright pink streak in her hair, courtesy of her new friend Vienna (and if recent history has taught us anything, we all know that a girl named after a foreign city is going to be trouble). Birdie's son is experiencing his first case of puppy love, her nerdy scientist love interest has just proposed marriage, and her annoying ex-husband is suddenly less annoying. Which can only mean he's up to no good.

But things get even more sinister when her hometown of Astro Park gets Little League fever in a big way. Rabid parents, performance-enhancing Gatorade and a domed stadium on shaky - potentially explosive - ground are just the beginning of Super Mom's problems; throw in a ticked off school janitor and a corrupt mayor, and Super Mom has her hands full. Can one superhero — one mother — struggle to keep her teenagers in tow with one hand while saving her hometown from disaster with the other — while trying to find time for herself as she plans her marriage to her very own Super Man? Only if she’s Super Mom!

What People are Saying —

“(Super Mom Saves the World) provides a welcome break from the proliferation of urban mommy books. For those who rely on Fresh Direct and nannies to run a household, this will read like a foreign text. The women in Hauser's world clean their own toilets, volunteer for the PTA and bake a mean tuna casserole.” Kirkus Reviews

“Hauser's sequel to Confessions of Super Mom (2005) is an amusing and sharp critique of the thankless job mothers perform as they juggle home and work. Every mom will want to be Super Mom.” Booklist

Smart, zany, and touching... (Karen Quinn, author of The Ivy Chronicles) Never has there been a more appealingly down-to-earth heroine or a superhero with more enviable powers. (Pamela Redmond Satran, author of Suburbanistas) Hauser's quirky characters sparkle brightly as a newly Swiffered floor, and her writing shines like freshly polished glass. (Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries and Queen of Babble)

About Melanie Lynne Hauser —

Former member of the PTA, Melanie Lynne Hauser is a prototypical Super Mom. In addition CONFESSIONS OF SUPER MOM and SUPER MOM SAVES THE WORLD, she is a contributor to the anthology It's a Boy. Melanie is an active member of both the writing and "blogging mommies" blogger communities. She lives in the Chicago area with her husband and two teenaged sons, truly does love Swiffer products, and would like to thank Procter and Gamble for its marvelous sense of humor about all this.

Visit her website ;

or her great blog ,

and MySpace page .

Buy the book, baby!! here .

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! Every time I drive up to my house I see this wreath and cringe. Now finally I am taking it down. Ding dong, the wreath is dead, or at least put away till next year.

When I first moved to New England back all those years ago (I'm older than most tax laws), it used to puzzle me why so many houses still had their Christmas wreaths on for SO LONG. Into March, for heaven's sake.

And now in 2007 I did it.

Maybe it's because we don't open the doors very often in winter because we don't like to go out in the cold. In truth, we don't use the front door of my house, so that's my excuse.



See? And you thought these little items were the last of it, that I had well and truly purged the house of Christmas. It's like I always say. You can't get rid of it. Probably even now a little jingling bell lurks somewhere and is waiting to taunt me.

I DON'T CARE!!! JINGLE AWAY!! I'M WORKING ON MY BOOK!!

A bientot,

love,
Becky

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In no particular order:

If you are in an audience, always sit in the front. The speaker likes that and appreciates it.

As a corollary, don't sit in the very far back. It makes a statement. When students do this to me, I have to chase them down in a way as I talk. I feel as though I'm trying to pin them like butterflies.

Again, in the audience, smile if you can. The speaker LOVES that. It's encouraging.

You can always be surprised. You may grow to have certain expectations from a student and that student may blow you out of the water the next time you look.

Students have incredibly adverse circumstances to deal with. Many have lost relatives and friends to car accidents. It's shocking to me. Of course I knew that there were traffic fatalities, but I didn't realize how many.

There's a smile somewhere inside the most hardened slacker.

Students are conservative in their way. They want you to enforce the rules. They expect it. If you get a group of chitchatters, you must deal with them. If you get a rowdy or disrespectful student (I have not had many), you must do something. Don't ignore the situation. I once had an energetic young man who would leap to his feet frequently to call out comments. He was genuinely excited and so I couldn't complain on that score. But he was incredibly annoying to everyone else and the atmosphere in class started to get nasty. It was during my first semester of teaching, seven years ago.

I tried telling him to raise his hand. That didn't work. I tried approaching the ringleader of the ones who hated him and that worked for about a day. Eventually, I had to give a speech about tolerance and I forget how long that lasted. I prayed for the end of the semester and it finally came.




Computers in the classroom suck. Seriously. If you allow them, guaranteed the students are IMing with their friends, playing solitaire, or even video games. The telltale sign is when they don't look at you. I don't allow them. Sue me.



Lots of young people are overweight.

All young people are attached to cell phones at the umbilical site.

It is surprising what they don't know. I have seen college students who didn't know, or didn't exactly know, what D Day was, what happened at Hiroshima, who the lieutenant governor was, and a million other things. I once asked students if they thought there was any stigma any more about having a so-called "illegitimate" child, and everyone sat silently for the longest time. I knew some of them actually had children out of wedlock and so I persevered, only to find out that no one in the class knew what "stigma" meant.

They do warm your heart, though. I promise you that.

Off to work on the old lady book.






A bientot

love,
becky

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I really feel the next time the family pet Hansel looks in Maeve's face, she is going to quite clearly say "CAT."

Wouldn't that be astounding?








Unfortunately, the person taking this shot (moi) was NOT a genius. Ergo, that weird gray thing in the middle.

Grown adults turn into raving simpletons when faced with an infant this cute. Is that a 200 pound man on all fours, hovering over the baby and making goo goo sounds? Is that an English professor doing the same thing?

I keep telling Maeve the only problem is I want to eat her. She is too cute.





Mary Cassatt knew it too. How beautiful her work is.

As for my own work, it's coming slowly. Still don't know about Victory either. We had a couple of very close calls, but nothing to announce yet.

I am writhing about trying to decide whether to write the nun next or the old lady story.

Maybe I'll flip a coin.

A bientot
love,
Becky

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Years ago I started a system where as soon as I finished reading a book, I would write it down with a synopsis and a ranking (up to 5 stars, unless I forgot and then it was only 4 stars). I felt really heartened and organized. Virgos love to be organized and we love lists, of almost any kind.

At long last, I would have a record of what I read, I'd be able to recommend books without having to scratch my head and make guttural monosyllables (the worst kind of monosyllable there is), and most important I'd know if I'd already read something.

You know THAT feeling, dear reader, when you set down the book and gaze up at the ceiling--Gosh, this seems familiar. I really think this guy is going to fall in love with a circus clown. Or I really think this girl is getting polio very soon. Yup, I was right. I've read it before. DAMN.

Okay, I admit the original system only lasted for one or two books. I'm not a true Virgo (moon in Leo, someone told me, and I suppose that's a more slatternly sign overall). I tried a modified version of the system, writing down a very short synopsis of the book and still awarding up to five (or four) stars. It's very empowering to award stars and I felt I wielded my authority in an unpretentious and fair manner. Some surprising books did not get a full five from me, but more of that another time. Eventually, I would sit outside the library and write a single sentence on the back of a coupon and still award the stars. Sentences like: Southern belle. Stupid husband.

Okay, so maybe they weren't real sentences, not in the actual sense of the word as we know it, or in the form I would accept from my composition students. And maybe they weren't actual synopses either. Blunt bullets I would call them, but they did the job. I was faithful. And I did end up with dozens of multi-colored coupons strewn through my car and blowing from the front seat to the back every time the door was opened. I did it, even when I didn't feel like doing it. A couple of times I managed to gather most of the coupons and take them inside where I compiled a paper list of ranked books. One of those lists is in my bedside table. I'm pretty sure. Though I haven't seen it in a few years.

What I'm trying to say is that I would like to spout off some books I've read this year but I haven't been keeping track.

So let's go with plain old random, what do you say?

A book I just finished is A SPOT OF BOTHER by Mark Haddon, which is brilliantly funny and I do love a book that makes me howl out loud. It's also darkly powerful which makes my laughter somewhat shameful. He also wrote THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT-TIME, another ripping good story. Why isn't this guy winning prizes?

I read, or re-read after many years, EAST OF EDEN. There are at least three full stories in there, not just the one about the two Cain and Abel type brothers. I have never seen the movie and have no desire to, although I'm sure James Dean is hot. One of the great villainesses of all times is Cathy. Yikes, what a meanie.

Okay, one more. I read GOODNIGHT STEVE MCQUEEN by Louise Wener and it was another British howler. I do love the Brits. I adore Judy Dench and Helen Mirren, nobody can give a line like they can. Also Eddy Izzard the comedian.

I guess that's it for books today.

I'm bogged down on my own.

A bientot
love,
becky

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Sometimes March roars in like this guy here, although it didn't happen today. March came in looking more like...





this fellow, still wintry, but domesticated by this time in the season and looking into our window perhaps knowing his days are numbered.






Some people think late winter is coyote ugly.






Very soon many of my students will travel off to places like this for that phenomenon known as Spring Break.






But what they will really see won't be anything too tropical.



LET'S SEE HOW MUCH ALCOHOL WE CAN CONSUME IN THE SHORTEST AMOUNT OF TIME POSSIBLE.

YEAH!!! LET'S SEE IF WE CAN DRINK MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER HAS!!!

'TIS A NOBLE GOAL AND WE SHALL TRYETH OUR BESTETH

DUDE, GIVE ME A BUD, OKAY, AND SHUT THE FRICK UP.





It's going to be a good month, I think.

Let's see how it plays out.
A bientot
love,
Becky

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